Owning Who you Are
This week in our Rare Mothers in Relationships Workshop we looked at how relationships can potentially evolve us into the best version of ourselves. Evolution means you are moving rather than stuck, are willing to look at the hard places and allow yourself to feel uncomfortable.
Evolution includes surrender and invites you to let life teach you what it wants to teach you and shape you into the person that you are meant to be. It also asks you to be compassionate with yourself and to let yourself be as you are.
Let Yourself Be
Letting yourself be is the opposite of “shouldding“ yourself. The latter engages the inner critic and points you to all of the ways you are apparently not ok. When the inner critic rears its head, it’s useful to restrict yourself from following its painful narrative. It takes awareness and discipline to interrupt this old habit pattern and make a fresh choice. The truth is, when you are shackled by shoulds, it inhibits evolution.
Standing in Your Identity
The concept of identifying as a Rare mother also came up in our discussion. Being a Rare mother may seem to dominate the landscape of your identity, and in reality, it is only a part of who you are. As a Rare mother, you may have had to pivot and focus on your Rare child rather than your career. You are responding to what is needed and it impacts you.
It can feel uncomfortable to introduce yourself as a Rare mother to the people in your larger community and a host of feelings may arise. Remember, you are giving others a gift when you tell your story and share what it’s actually like to raise a child with a Rare disease. Most people are unaware of how many children there are with Rare diseases.
Engage with other Rare mothers
It is incredibly helpful to engage with our wonderful community of Rare mothers because they get who you are and what you are going through. This may help you walk in the world with grace and dignity as a Rare mother.
Some Incremental Steps to Sharing Your Story (because it might feel scary to put it out there):
Take some time and write it out in your journal.
Dictate it as a voice note. This technique is called scribe writing. It can be useful to hear yourself speaking the words because your body hears the words and registers their meaning in your whole system.
Eventually you may want to publish your story in a local paper or even in a national one. Many years ago, one of our Rare mothers had a multi-page spread in the LA times. And this was in the early days (pre-Angel Aid).
This process will help you to integrate this aspect of your identity and also gives the other members of your family a chance to own their own experience.
It may also help you to peel away layers of shame, blame, and judgment that you have been consciously or subconsciously holding onto. Owning your child’s Rare disease helps you to accept that you have a child with a Rare disease that cannot be fixed.
You Have Needs and Your Needs Matter
What’s true is that you are a Rare mother and you are also a woman who has needs. It is essential to include yourself in the equation and prioritize your self-care. You need to fill your own cup before you can tend to your family. And, owning who you are is a very important step on your personal evolutionary journey.
Coming up this week: A Wrap Up
This week we will wrap up this series and share our insights. There will be time for questions and answers and speaking to what is alive for you in your heart around being a Rare mother in relationships.
Join us
Our next meeting is Tuesday at 10 AM PST. We would love to have you there. Being together in this way is an opportunity for you to share your heart and have authentic connections with other Rare mothers.
Come as you are. Your presence is a contribution.
Zoom Link:
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/89479806881?pwd=NkdlU1dDVVRQYTcxem9MaVlQRG95Zz09
We look forward to being with you soon.
Warmly,
Padma
