Befriending Our Bodies

Your brain is an amazing part of you! One of its jobs is to move your nervous system into a survival state anytime it feels like your safety, sense of dignity, or belonging are threatened. And when that threat has passed, a healthy nervous system will move back regulation, a state of natural movement or rest and digest.

Except the body can get stuck in a survival state as a result of chronic stress and unresolved trauma. When this happens, the survival brain feels perpetually threatened, and anxiety and overwhelm become a habit.

 The nervous system needs to feel safe to be regulated. We heal or re-map the nervous system by bringing ‘felt safety’ to it with focused consistency. We can create safety for the nervous system by learning to treat our bodies as a friend who is there to keep us safe, stay connected, and remain dignified at all costs.

In this new year, if you want to cultivate friendship with your body, you might start with a practice of noticing.

~ Notice how the sun feels on your skin, how it settles, lifts, and soothes.

~ Notice the comfort of a hug, a warm bath, a heavy quilt.

~ Notice the cool dribble of juicy plum or the satisfying crunch of an apple.

~ Notice how smells hold memories — how a whiff of oranges, pine, or lemon verbena can take you right back to a gentle, quiet moment of bliss.

Little by little, you may begin to notice how your body opens you and you find the daily ups and downs are in the practice of friendship with the body, which is a huge gift to you.

And if you feel anxious, hyper-vigilant, disconnected, or shut down, consider that these uncomfortable sensations are your nervous system’s way of helping you understand that it doesn’t feel safe, valued, or loved. It doesn’t feel like you are safe, valued, or loved in that particular moment. It can be helpful to think of these sensations as invitations to signal safety, connection, dignity, and love to our bodies.

Using the body’s language of sensation, we can communicate to it in many ways. Grounding techniques like laying on the floor and allowing it to feel like you are being held. You can ask yourself, does a firmer surface make me feel more held? Or does a softer one work better for me? Notice the temperature. Textures. Smells, etc. Another treat for your nervous system is using a safety hug. By simply placing your left hand in your right armpit and your right hand on your left shoulder front, it helps to create a felt sense of safety in our nervous system.

How does your body respond to this? Maybe you notice a sigh, eye watering, a yawn or borborygmia (my favorite word for tummy gurgling). These are signs that your nervous system is feeling safer. If it suits you, you can also connect with a loving, safe person. Asking for a hug. Reaching out over the phone or video chat. Even just smiling at someone can make a difference.

However the coming weeks look for you, may they be full of gentleness.