What You Focus On Grows
In our first Rare Family Dynamics meeting of the new year, we focused on gratitude and the art of skillful communication. Gratitude benefits all our relationships, including the one we have with ourselves.
Receiving
It’s a practice to receive yourself and at first it can feel awkward. It can be really helpful to be specific about what you are appreciating. Notice the good you are doing. It’s more than you can imagine and many raregivers take much of what they are doing for granted. You have to train your mind to look for the good things.
To do vs. Done
Some days you won't get through very many things on your to do list. However, it’s useful to appreciate the things you did get done. Take a deep breath and acknowledge yourself. Appreciation is a way of circulating love and interrupting the inherent negativity bias that most of us have. Looking for flaws is where the mind tends to go when left unchecked.
You might have intended to get five things on your to do list done,. However, you didn’t account for the fact that your Rare child was going to have an accident in their car seat. You did not know that you would spend hours cleaning Rare child up, giving them a bath and then dressing them in fresh pajamas. Nor did you know you'd need to wash all of their clothes and wipe down their car seat. All of this was not on your to do list and yet you did it. It is important to recognize you are doing a lot of things and to appreciate yourself for showing up.
Appreciate your partner
Maybe you express appreciation for your partner or husband because they know how to care for your Rare child which gives you a moment to pause. Appreciate that they get things done even if they don’t do them the way you might have.
A cushion of resiliency
Expressing gratitude builds a cushion of resiliency in your relationship. Every time you express your gratitude for little things, you are making a deposit in your emotional bank account. When you make deposits regularly, you fertilize the ground of goodness in your relationships.
Focus primarily on the good things and occasionally offer suggestions for improvement. Use the 5:1 ratio to stay in the safe zone. Otherwise, your partner might feel like you are nagging them which does not foster a feeling of closeness or harmony.
Say the hard things
As a raregiver, you might feel like your entire existence is wrapped up in caring for your Rare child and tending to your family. You might not give your relationship as much attention as it needs. And still, you need to speak to the hard things that arise. Tend to yourself and then tend to your relationship. Be courageous and kind. And remember to offer gratitude along with the hard things.
Gratitude changes everything.
Coming up this week: Noticing Changes & Nervous System Regulation - Staying embodied amidst change
This week our theme will be Noticing Changes. In the early stages of becoming a caregiver for your Rare child, you are asked to embrace many changes as you move from a full or part-time professional to a full-time caregiver. Many feelings will arise as you step into being an expert on your child’s Rare disease. It can be overwhelming. In this meeting, we will explore ways of staying calm and grounded as you navigate your ever changing life as a raregiver. Learn simple techniques to regulate your nervous system. Join us for a potent session.
You Belong Here
This group is open to all raregivers regardless of gender or relationship status. Join our amazing community of raregivers who understand you. Come and be seen, heard and truly understood. Let the community hold you. We meet on Tuesdays at 10am PT. Come for all or a portion of the session.
Your presence is a contribution.
Zoom Link: Click Here
With New Year’s Blessings,
Padma
