Anguish Asks For A Full Cup
Anguish…It’s one of those words you understand the meaning of just by the way that it sounds. It has this gnarling rasp to it as you twist your mouth around to say it…kind of like what feeling it does to your insides. It’s an awful, drawn out, knotted up word. It’s also one of the things I feel without you.
- Ranata Suzuki
Anguish was the starting point for our conversation today in our Rare Family Dynamics Support Group.
We talked about how having a nuanced understanding of the emotional landscape is helpful because when you know more precisely what you're feeling, you can ask for the specific kind of support you need.
Often times we might simply feel sad. Anguish is stronger than sadness…It is heart wrenching. Being the parent of a child with a medically complex condition can feel overwhelming. Sometimes you might feel helpless and hopeless because this Rare disease is happening to the most important person in your life.
You might feel incredibly distressed and shut down. Sometimes, when you allow yourself to feel the depths of sadness, the tears will come and the emotion can release.
Be aware of your thoughts
Be aware of the thought "this is never going to get better." When you use the words always or never, it's a signal. You might even imagine it as the white flag of surrender. These words indicate a disconnection with truth.
Pause and ask yourself "what is really true right now?”
Finding ease
In moments of duress, be curious about how you can relax, and do things with more ease. Find the ease in the effort, and take the action while offering more kindness to yourself.
As a raregiver, it's really important to recognize you ARE doing enough.
Fill your cup
Sometimes you might feel anguish because it seems like everyone needs you at once. When this happens, there's no room for you to feel or be vulnerable.
What if everyone else can wait?
They need to wait because when things are hard, you need to double down on your self-care.
A practice for you
We did a practice in our group which supports being in the present and creating a steady container for all of your feelings.
It goes like this:
Set a timer for 2 minutes (this is a good starting point). Sit with a long spine and extend your arms at shoulder height. Place all 10 fingers together so that you create a little bowl with your hands. The practice is to simply close your eyes, breathe through your nose and feel all 10 fingers touching lightly. If you want to increase the intensity, you can do this in a wide stance with your knees bent. It's also fun to put on your favorite rock 'n' roll song. I personally like The Doors or Lenny Kravitz. 😇
Self-care builds resiliency. Practice it regularly.
Coming Up Next Week: The Places we Go When Things Don’t Go as Planned
The paradox of living is feeling like if we have things planned out, we can just possibly avoid anything uncomfortable. Somehow we have convinced ourselves this just might work. But when it doesn’t it can bring up frustration, disappointment, regret and even resignation. This can be a calling to a new place of acknowledgement, expectation or even imagination, if we let it. Come explore the flexibility and freedom that are possible when things don’t go as planned.
Please Join Us
You may not realize how much you need the Angel Aid community until you find it.
Zoom Link
We look forward to being with you soon.
