The Waters Of Emotion
In our Rare Family Dynamics Support Group, we are continuing to dive into Brené Brown's book, "Atlas of the Heart. Today we talked about the nature of emotions and the connection between thoughts, emotions and overwhelm.
Our thoughts can drag us down into the sea of emotions. It takes awareness to interrupt this trajectory, because overwhelm is a consequence of swirling thoughts.
There is a cost to the physical body when our cortisol levels go up. This can create inflammation, which can lead to disease. Self-care begins with lowering your stress levels.
Noticing and pausing
Part of what's needed is to cultivate the ability to be with your feelings, rather than to be in them, or be dragged down by them. When you merge with your emotions, you can experience a sense of overwhelm, and sometimes panic which renders you useless to respond to what is needed for your Rare family.
Worry
Worry is fear of the future, and it is so easy to fall into worry, or catastrophic thinking as a raregiver. One possibility is to recognize when you are doing this and return to the present moment. Perhaps you engage with your breath or imagine your breath filling your whole body. Breath brings you into presence.
One of our participants today said that sometimes she worries even when she is sleeping and it feels like her brain just won't turn off.
Grieving
Grieving is important, and early on in your journey as a raregiver, you will grieve the loss of the idea of a "perfect child." You may grieve that the journey with your brand new baby will be quite different than the one you had imagined. For most raregivers, grief is an ongoing process.
Take the time you need to feel your feelings. Perhaps you take small sips of grief so that you can lean in and feel what is here without getting pulled under.
Self-care
As a raregiver, it is essential to tend to yourself. Allow yourself to feel joy, and make room for a little indulgences like pedicures, or going out for a drink with a friend. Resist the impulse to feel guilty for your own happiness and if you do, pause and course correct as soon as you notice; refrain from guilt tripping yourself.
You can learn to have agency over your mind, and to feel your feelings in ways that do not create overwhelm. It takes practice and being with feelings is a learnable skill.💗💜💗
Coming Up Next Week: The Places We Go When We’re Hurting
The life of a Raregiver™ holds an unnatural amount of hurt. Yet there are so many flavors to it. Call it sadness, grief, anguish, hopelessness or despair. The labels may seem to be pointing to the same experience, although there are subtle differences between them.. When we can feel the differences between them, we are able to communicate to ourselves where we truly are in that moment and give ourselves the gift of clarity and support.
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