When We Feel Wronged

This week in our Rare Family Dynamics Group we explored what happens inside of us When We Feel Wronged. When we feel someone has wronged us, we may get defensive and reactive. We explored these questions...

What feelings arise when you feel unseen or disregarded?

How can you cultivate your ability to respond rather than react?

Lots of feelings

You may have lots of feelings arise when you feel you have been wronged, or are being judged. One of the most common places this feeling comes up is in our family of origin. Holidays may present opportunities for being with your family.

Sometimes when we interact with our family of origin, we find that we're being treated like a 15 year-old version of ourselves. Often this includes not feeling heard or understood. And these moments it is wise to walk away.

What if you can see people you've know your whole life with fresh eyes? Imagine how that would shift the interaction and enable you to be together in the present rather than dragging the past into the house. Might you find some relief in being your current self rather than that rebellious teenager? 

Pause

Take as many pauses as you need so that you can calm down and communicate clearly. If you have to step away several times, it's OK. You are tending to yourself and your relationships by committing to communicating only when you are calm.

Be discerning about what to say, and what not to say. Remember to be patient with your parents, teenagers and Rare children. There will be many opportunities to be triggered, which means you will have many opportunities to interrupt your old reactive habit patterns.

Doctor's appointments

Doctor's appointments or trying to get an appointment with the doctor can be very frustrating. Maybe you find yourself trying to communicate with a difficult receptionist. This is a chance to respond with Clarity rather than reactivity.

The thing is that people don't listen to us when we're speaking from reactivity. They do tend to listen more when you are calm, clear, stand your ground and tell the truth. When wisdom talks, people listen.

Coming up next week: The Places We Go to Self-Assess

Most of us know about pride and humility…but hubris isn’t a word that is commonly used. When we realize the differences these words bring to our lives, we can better gauge ourselves, the way the words fit into our lives, and how curiosity allows us to have clarity about what is actually happening for us. Come with curiosity to see how we can be more gentle in our self-assessment, perhaps even finding more love for ourselves. 

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