Perfection & Judgement

Today our Rare Family Dynamics group was super sweet and deep. The topic was the places we go when we fall short. When we fall short, we often judge, blame and shame ourselves. The antidote to this is self-acceptance and self-compassion. 

Be kind to yourself

Sometimes it seems like you have an impossible goal that's on the ceiling that you will never get to. In these moments, it can be easy to "should" yourself. Remember not to judge. The Inner Critic can be quick and tricky. Once you notice it, you are free to interrupt this old, painful habit pattern.

80/20

You might want to apply the 80/20 rule rather than trying to achieve perfection. What is 80% of the time you don't judge yourself? How would you feel if you judged yourself less?

Beware of perfection

Perfection is heavy, handed. You are invited to notice how perfection expresses itself through you. What does the voice of perfection sound like? Whose is it? What is the tone? Once you are aware of this, you can make a choice to redirect the perfectionist.

Shoulds

If you hear yourself saying, "maybe I should see family over the holiday” when you really need to stay home, pause. See what your rare family actually needs and do that.

Maybe you start “shouldding” yourself when things stay a little longer and then you want them to on your to do list. You are human. You are a raregiver. You have a lot on your plate.

Give yourself a break.

Practice self compassion by placing a hand on your heart.

Maybe you slow down and enjoy a delicious cup of tea or a 10 minute nap as a reward for showing up.

When you practice self-compassion, you are befriending yourself which is nourishing.

Judgment

There are times when your spouse, child, or parent will judge you. Very often the person who is judging you is hurting. It's like a dog who has their leg in a trap. They are in pain. Perhaps they don't know how to self regulate and so they lash out.

What is needed is for them to self soothe. If you can respond first to yourself by bringing kindness and compassion to your own heart, you can respond rather than react.

It only takes one person to interrupt a frictional dynamic. You can be the leader of kindness and compassion in your home if you are self-aware.

Find time to take care of yourself, nourish yourself in small ways and bring awareness to when you are being self-critical. Pause and make a conscious choice.

Self-compassion is a key to happiness. 🙏💜🙏

Coming up next week: The Places We Go When We Feel Wronged

It’s easy to go on the defense when we feel wronged. It brings up anger, disgust,  and contempt. It can feel dehumanizing, dismissive or hateful. It can even push us to a place of self-righteousness in order to protect ourselves or our loved ones. Come speak to that part of us, seeing where we are hurting and learn how to give ourselves permission to feel and be.

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