Team Play & Appreciation

Padma Gordon

Our Rare Mothers in Relationship Workshop is stunning. I am touched by everyone’s willingness to share vulnerably about their own tender places and the tenderness in their relationships. This is the kind of intimacy that we are growing in our workshop.

This past week we spoke about team play and this week we will dive into its nuances more deeply. Let’s face it, running your household and managing your child’s care along with working is a lot. And, most often it is the Rare Mother who stays at home with her Rare child or children while the Rare father continues to work.

In the United States, paid work is still more highly valued than working in the home. Rare Mothers are on from the moment they wake up until the moment their partner or a caregiver arrives to relieve them. Many Rare Mothers have given up their careers or cut back on how much they are working. This is a sacrifice that they are willing to make because it is what is needed for their child’s care.

Appreciation

Appreciation was a big theme that came up. When we feel appreciated, it encourages us to keep showing up because we know our contribution is valued.

It can be useful to grow a culture of appreciation in your home. As the woman of the house, you can lead this by appreciating your partner for the things they do. You can simply appreciate them for taking out the trash or cleaning up the dinner dishes. If they are the primary financial support, you might appreciate them for providing financial stability for your family. Leading in this way encourages your partner to respond in kind.

Here’s an Appreciation Practice to support you:

At the end of the day once children are in bed and you have had a moment to yourselves, take some time to appreciate each other.

Sit facing one another and set a timer for three minutes

One person will listen and receive appreciation and the other person will offer it. You might find it helpful to use the sentence stem: “What I appreciate about you is…”

Each time your partner offers you an appreciation, simply thank them.

When the timer goes off, close your eyes and take three deep breaths.

Reset the timer for three minutes and switch roles.

When the timer goes off, close your eyes and receive more fully. At the end of this process you may want to share about how it was for you to both give and receive appreciation.

Join us

We would love to meet you and offer our support to you and your family. This is a precious opportunity to come together with other Rare Mothers in an intimate setting. We meet on Tuesday mornings at 10am PST. Come as you are. Drop-in anytime. You are welcome.

Register to join here.