Staying Calm
How do you bring yourself into the present? What supports you to remain calm in the face of the challenges of being a raregiver. These are some of the questions that we contemplated in our Rare Family Dynamics group this past week.
Setting boundaries
Setting boundaries is a form of self-care. Sometimes in your life, there may be people who try to pull you into grief and worry when your Rare child is about to head into surgery. They are trying to be helpful and empathic and the truth is it doesn't serve you. Set a boundary when someone in your community or family constantly talks about how angry they are at your life.
Internal boundaries
Let's face it, there is a lot to feel when your Rare child is having multiple seizures and it's important to give yourself time and space to be mad, miserable, or worried. Then, you need to set a boundary with yourself so you can live in the present moment. Boundaries support you to stay in the here and now, rather than getting lost in worry about the future.
Self-soothing looks different ways at different times.
Sometimes you need your wise self to hold the tender parts of you that are afraid. Let her scoop up those parts into her lap and stroke your head. Loving yourself is essential.
Sometimes comforting yourself may look like allowing yourself to curl up on the couch with a pint of ice cream and watch TV. It's OK to do this for yourself.
Acceptance
Your wise self knows how to set firm boundaries. Speak to yourself in a comforting and sobering way that invites you to accept the hand you were dealt. It is what it is. Stop yourself from asking the question, “Why can't I…”
Get grounded
Let yourself pause and get grounded before you call the insurance company. It's true someone didn't submit the right forms and you have to call for the 20th time. However, it won't be helpful for you to have an aggressive attitude, so pause, breathe and shake it off. You have the opportunity to snap out of it.
Here's a formula:
Notice that stress is running.
Pause and calm yourself.
Team play with the insurance company. You'll be glad you did.
Slowing down
You can slow down and become present. Inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth as though you are blowing through a straw slowly.
By doing this, you can bring your baseline down two or three or four, so that, when stressors arise, like seizures, surgeries are doctor's appointments, you can approach them from a place of calm.
Coming Up This Week: Vulnerability: Being real in your relationships
This week we will explore the ways being a raregiver makes you vulnerable. Raising a child who has a multitude of physical vulnerabilities points us to the vulnerability of the human condition. Come share your experience with a group of people who are familiar with the path you are walking. Let’s cultivate the strength that comes when you are present and vulnerable while living with an open heart. Please join us.
You Belong
As a Raregiver, you belong here. We gather from across the world to support each other. Your presence is a contribution.
Zoom Link: Click Here
Looking forward to being with you,
Padma
