Letting Go of the “Shoulds”
Padma Gordon
Thanksgiving is the start of the holidays which can be a very stressful time especially for Rare Mothers (not to mention that we are still in a pandemic). There are many extra things to do and very often we create a list that includes lots of “shoulds.“
We may be saying things to ourselves like: I should be able to do more. I should be able to bake pies from scratch and roast a turkey. I should be able to take care of my family and make homemade gifts for my relatives. Or maybe we say I shouldn’t inconvenience my relatives by asking them to wear a mask indoors.
When we enter into the realm of shoulds, we enter into the territory of judgment and guilt. Judgment and perfection are bedfellows. Realizing that we have activated our inner critic is the first step to finding freedom and treating ourselves and each other with kindness.
This week in our Rare Mothers in Relationships Workshop, we looked at how tending to ourselves supports eradicating the habit of “shouldding” which aids in personal evolution as well as relationship evolution.
We asked these questions:
How do I tend to myself? How do I navigate it when I fall into the habit of shouldding?
Some of the things we came up with were:
Take time to meditate, pray or just sit quietly
Move your body
Interrupt the inner critic
Let go quickly
Slow down
Relax and take a hot bath
Be Kind
When you take care of yourself with an attitude of kindness, you can forgive yourself and your partner more quickly. You don’t fall into the habit of laying a guilt trip on yourself or anyone else.
During this holiday season practice refraining from saying “I should…” And, if you do find yourself saying, "I should do more or I should be better at this," name the shoulds out loud. See them for the limiting beliefs that they are. This kind of negative self talk puts a damper on your life and on the holidays. Be gentle with yourself and your partner. Please be gentle during these rich and yet stressful times.
Coming Up This Week: Evolution
We began this discussion this past week and we will continue it because it’s so powerful. What are the elements of an evolutionary relationship? How do you support each other as you move through life navigating its joys and challenges? What is it that helps you to grow as individuals and as a couple?
Receive Support
We would love to meet you and offer our support to you and your family. This is an opportunity to come together with other Rare Mothers in an intimate setting. There are Rare Mothers who are at the beginning of their journey and others who are at the end. We are a wise community of women who meet on Tuesday mornings at 10am PST. Please join us anytime.
Register to join on Zoom here.
