Friendship: Timeless or Expired?

In our Rare Family Dynamics session, we talked about friendship which was apropos since it was Valentine’s Day. We looked at what it means to be a good friend to yourself and to others.

Befriending yourself

Being a good friend to yourself means engaging in self-care, noticing how you talk to yourself and whether you appreciate yourself and recognize your own goodness. It also means interrupting the Inner Critic when it appears and redirecting yourself to your own worthiness and essential lovability.

Being a good friend to others

To be a good friend to others means first to show up for yourself and be grounded and personal integrity. The kind of friend you can be for someone else is directly related to how you relate to yourself.

Good Friends

Good friends listen when you talk without needing to give advice unless you ask for it and you can trust a good friend. You can also engage in open hearted conversation. Good friends make time for each other and respond with kindness and generosity when you are having a tough time like when your Rare child is in need of a med change, is recovering from a seizure, a surgery or you are dealing with massive amounts of hospital bills.

Collaboration

Friendship is a group project. To maintain friendships over time each person needs to contribute by watering the plant of your friendship. Sometimes this means inviting everyone over for a gathering or initiating a phone call. Friendships take some work. And when issues come up, you address them swiftly. Communication is key.

To be a good friend means you do your inner work, meditate, pray, go to therapy, and spend time in reflection. When you do this, you can show up for your friendships in a more balanced way because your cup is full.

Timeless or expired?

Certain friendships are timeless because you both continue to evolve. It’s good to notice whether you are evolving in your friendships, or whether some friendships are holdovers from the past. Are you staying in a friendship because you feel indebted to somebody or perhaps you are trauma bonded to them? It’s useful to notice whether a friendship is currently nourishing you or draining you.

The truth is that some friendships will last forever, while others have an expiration date. It’s sad, but true. It involves surrendering and letting go when you realize that a friendship is no longer serving.

For example, if you have a friend who constantly dumps their upset on you, and spends the entire conversation ranting about their husband or their job, you have to see if this really works for you or not.

Reciprocity is an essential element of healthy friendship.

Give feedback

All friendships go through tricky moments. If you find yourself triggered in a conversation, have compassion and take space. You could say, “I need a moment.“ Or if the person is using a raised voice, or a harsh tone, you could say “I’m not available for this kind of communication. Let’s both take a moment, and when we are calm, let’s talk.”

Coming up next Tuesday, Feb. 21:

Team Play Communication Toolkit - Collaboration, Listening & Validation

Description: Your Rare family works as  a team. You are in it together, share a common vision, and goals. This includes relationships with your partner, children, healthcare professionals, friends, co-workers, etc. 

We will explore some key elements of a great team including collaboration, listening and validation. You will learn how to be a better team player by practicing these skills. In order to support your Rare family, you need to have a healthy team. Let’s cheer each other on!

You Belong Here

As a Raregiver, you belong here. We gather from across the world to support each other. You are not alone. Come as you are.

Your presence is a contribution.

Zoom Link: Click Here

Have a beautiful week and Happy Valentine's Day! ❤️

Padma