Feeling Safe and Held In a Relationship
Padma Gordon
In our Rare Mothers in Relationship Workshop this past week we focused on what it means to be a we or a steady couple. As a Rare Mother, you need to feel held in your primary relationship. When you know that your partner or a close friend has your back, you can relax and feeling relaxed supports a sense of expansiveness. You are holding A LOT in your life and it’s essential that you feel supported.
Communicate Your Needs
One practice to support you in feeling held in your We is to be able to clearly express your needs. The other side of this is being able to listen openly and receive what your partner has to say without defensiveness. This flavor of communication is a high art. It takes practice and when we can communicate gracefully, things flow smoothly.
Breathe
If you communicate when you are feeling emotionally charged, your partner may not be able to hear what you’re saying. Neutralizing any triggers is key. Taking the time to slow down, breathe and feel your feelings before speaking may be helpful.
Be Curious
When you don’t understand something, ask a question. Rather than assuming, be curious. Curiosity is queen. For example you might say, “I’m wondering what you mean by that exactly. Would you be willing to say more?” And then wait. Pause and listen.
Naturally, in moments where you are feeling stressed, tired or at your wits end, it may be tricky to practice this kind of communication. I suggest you practice it when the waters of your life are calm. Then when big waves arise, you may be able to surf them with greater ease.
Join us
In our workshop this week we will practice some communication skills and look at the challenges that you are facing in your life around communication and feeling held by the people you are close to.
Coming to these workshops gives you an opportunity to talk to other Rare Mothers who may be facing some of the same challenges you are. You will have the chance to be seen, heard and understood. Knowing you are not alone is immensely valuable.
Come as you are. You are welcome to attend the entire meeting or just a part of it. We begin with introductions, do a short meditation/grounding practice and then write in a journal for a few minutes. The balance of our time is spent in conversation with one another.
