Being on the Same team

Padma Gordon

As a Rare Mother, it is important to learn how to team play with your partner. You are allies for one another on the journey of parenting your Rare child. When you’re on a team, you know that someone has your back and you can relax.

Being on a team means respecting and trusting your partner. It means that when they say something, you listen attentively. It may also mean that you need to take space when you are unavailable.

Accurate Reporting

In our Rare Mothers in Relationship Workshop, we discussed the concept of “accurate reporting” and how it’s a good idea to assess both your own and your partner’s capacity before beginning a conversation. For example, if your partner has just finished their workday, their capacity for listening may not be very high. 

If your partner or spouse says, is this a good time to have an important conversation?“ You can say “no actually. I’m really tired and I don’t have much capacity right now. Let’s talk later.”

Accurate reporting is a great practice to engage in when you’re on a team. In order to practice it skillfully, you need to pause and look inside. Take a moment and sense yourself. Is your body tired? Have you been sitting at a computer all day? Have you just had a challenging moment with your Rare child? If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, this will point you to your capacity.

It’s like when you’re going to take a long drive, you need to have a full tank of gas. If the gas tank is nearly empty, you won’t get very far and it will just cause problems. 

Cheer Each Other On

Another thing that supports your team is to cheer each other on! When your partner takes out the trash or makes dinner, administers medication or tidies up the house, thank them. Recognize that they are contributing to your team. Each of you has different roles on your team and it’s helpful to thank each other for the little things and the big things. When you do, you are making a deposit In your relationship bank account which strengthens your team.

Then, in the difficult moments, your team will be more resilient. Being resilient means being able to accept who your partner is inclusive of their gifts, as well as their foibles and shortcomings.

Join the Workshop -- Be in Community

We meet each week on Tuesday mornings at 10am PST. The workshop is drop-in and you are welcome to join us whenever you can. Come as you are. You will be received in love by other Rare Mothers.