True Friends
Our Rare Family Dynamics meeting this week focused on what it means to be a true friend. We explored the question: how can you be a true friend to yourself?
Being a true friend means being compassionate, listening, empathizing and bringing curiosity. It means being there for each other in times of need and holding space without judgment and making room for all the feelings that arise.
Rupture and repair
In any relationship, ruptures will happen and repairs are needed. Ruptures can happen due to a misunderstanding or when a friend ghosts you leaving you feeling shocked. Sometimes friends who you think understand your life as a raregiver do not. Perhaps they can’t handle the intensity and the uncertainty and they leave. Some friendships are beyond repair.
The rule of thumb is, make repairs as soon as possible. When something happens and you don’t address it, it makes it worse. It’s like a sweater that is beginning to unravel, if you fix it early on the hole will not get bigger.
True friends
True friends are hard to come by and even more so in the case of raregivers. Your life is complex and your heart is tender. It's easy to get your feelings hurt. When you’ve been wounded, It can be hard to trust and walls may go up. You might wonder if people are judging you. People sometimes really don’t understand that you’re dealing with a special needs situation and they say, “oh we’re all special.” It takes a compassionate and resilient person to understand your life.
True friends can hold space for you even if you are feeling angry about your Rare child’s disease. One of our participants said she is “angry at autism.” She reflected about how autism has robbed her of many things that she might have shared with her family.
Love yourself
As important as it is to be a true friend to others, it is equally important to be a true friend to yourself. This means not judging yourself for your feelings. When your inner dialogue has the harsh tone of the Inner Saboteur, you notice it and consciously offer kindness to yourself. It takes awareness to restrict the impulse to beat yourself up.
Value yourself
Just as we value the gifts that our friends are bringing into our lives so you can value what you are doing. Value and acknowledge yourself.
A Practice to Cultivate Receiving
Periodically throughout your day slow down, take some deep breaths and receive what you are already doing. Let it sink in. You might also pause and journal for a minute. Put your attention on what you ARE doing rather than on what you’re not.
Coming up this week: The Value of Team Play in your Rare Family
Being in a Rare family means you are on a team. You are in it together and share a common vision and goals. This includes relationships with your partner, children, healthcare professionals, friends, co-workers, etc.. How can you be the best team player possible? What does it take to lead your team? Please bring your experience leading your family. We will share our collective wisdom and insight.
You Belong Here
This group is open to all raregivers regardless of gender or relationship status. Join our amazing community of raregivers who get you. Come be seen, heard and deeply understood. Let the community hold you. We meet on Tuesdays at 10am PT. Come for all or a portion of the session. Your presence is a contribution.
Zoom Link: Click Here
We look forward to being with you soon.
Warmest regards,
Padma
