Things Don’t Go As Planned
When things don't go as planned, how do you handle it? What are you doing that is helpful or unhelpful?
This week's conversation in our Rare Family Dynamics support group was about discovering new ways for navigating the unknown and what cannot be controlled, which is nearly everything.
In truth, all that we can control is how we respond to what shows up. And we can also contribute to expanding our capacity to be able to be present and stay calm as we journey through the unknown.
Plans
There is a saying, "We make plans and God laughs." The question is, do you even make plans? Do you find that you avoid planning things so you don't get disappointed.
It's hard to plan anything when you have a child with a Rare disease. You may be waiting for test results to come back, for the insurance to approve a procedure, or possibly for an appointment with the doctor. There is a lot of waiting, and in the waiting time you are in limbo– you are in the unknown.
Meeting the unknown
When your life is not going as planned, and your Rare child needs yet another surgery, you may realize that you can't control almost anything in your life.
You may feel like you can't plan anything even three minutes into the future.
When your mind wants to run wild, it's time to implement self-care practices like:
Acknowledge the little things you are able to control. Celebrate that you made your bed in the morning!!!
Take time to listen to a book on tape
Stretch, DANCE or go for a short walk
Take five deep breaths, and think of one thing you are grateful for.
Breathe...
The life of a raregiver includes a lot of challenges.
The breath can be your ally for stabilizing inside yourself.
Breath creates space, and space is what is needed in order to let yourself feel all of your feelings.
Don't isolate
When you are in a moment of crisis, like dealing with chemotherapy or other potent treatments, it's important to let yourself be held by your community.
Open yourself to receiving help with meals, yard work or household chores like folding laundry, or vacuuming. We are interdependent beings and people like to help.
Receive what is being offered.
Reframe to see what's good
When something comes in and messes up your plans, perhaps you can try to look for the good in it? Perhaps you can see the reason for the positive intent. When one thing falls away, it leaves room for something else to appear.
And, as you look for the good, it's essential to feel your feelings and not bypass them. The things we do not acknowledge will come back with a vengence.
Coming up next week: The Places we Go When It’s Beyond Us
When we are deep in the throes of struggle, tightness, or control, it’s easy to forget or not even believe in surprise, curiosity, wonder and especially not awe. Yet, they are still possible and available to us. The irony is that many of these experiences are still out of our control, just on the other end of the spectrum. Come shift your lens to include these beautiful thoughts, that might allow us to be open to more.
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We look forward to being with you soon.
