The Power Of Grieving
This week in our Rare Family Dynamics support group we looked at anticipatory grief and how important it is to turn toward this tender topic with self-compassion.
Celebrate each day
The thing about grief is that it has the potential to bring you into the present moment. One of our group members mentioned that when her daughter was born, they were told she would not live through her first year. This was terrifying. And every year they celebrated her birthday and brought her into the NICU to show the doctor that she had made it another year. Her daughter is now an adult who is 32 years old and she is healthy. It takes a lot to stay present and open when the doctors tell you your child may not live past their first year. Be present and appreciate every sacred moment… even the hard ones.
Fear of the future
It can be very distressing to think far ahead about your own mortality or losing your child. Lots of feelings may arise when you are doing a will, or approaching a surgery. Your mind may begin to freak out, and you might get caught up in worry because you don't have control over a situation. Note: we do not really have control over much except for how we respond to things.
You might even begin to spiral out of control into catastrophic thinking.
It takes a lot of awareness to notice when you are falling into a pit of doom and gloom and worrying that something terrible has happened every time the phone rings.
Doing this wreaks havoc on your nervous system. You become afraid, your cortisol levels shoot up through the roof causing stress which causes inflammation. Inflammation is at the root of disease. It's important not to go down the dark worst-case scenario pathway.
Pausing is useful
When you notice yourself falling into this, pause. You might even place both hands gently on the sides of your face which will help you feel calm. It This is a self-soothing practice. Allow your breath to deepen and your body to soften. From here, you might even say to yourself, "I am available for the best possible outcome." By doing this, you are training your brain, creating new neural pathways, and inviting yourself to align with positive vibrations. It takes practice and turning toward the positive while including your feelings is a learnable skill.
Grieving
Grieving happens in the present. It's important to allow yourself to feel the grief and to hold space for the people around you to feel their grief as well. Let yourself experience the fear of losing someone you love while keeping an open mind and heart. This will allow you to respond to what's needed in the moment.
Create space for yourself to have your feelings and join us for these powerful community meetings where women weave stories and support each other.
Coming up next week
In our new series, we will explore Brene Brown’s Atlas Of The Heart. It’s going to be deep and rich. The theme of our first meeting is: The Wild and Ever-Changing Nature of Emotions.
Finding solid ground in the Rare World leaves our hearts with stretch marks, worn and willing, yet strong and soft. Our emotions and experiences are layers of biology, biography, behavior, and backstory. These components help us make meaning in our lives. Please join Padma Gordon on an adventure through the wilds of your inner landscape.
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