The Path Of Survivorship
This week in our Rare Family Dynamics workshop we had one of the hardest conversations. We talked about survivorship. We examined what arises as you begin to contemplate life without your Rare child. Conflicting feelings and the need to hold two polarities at once came up for several of our raregivers.
Reflections on Time
One person talked about how her Rare child takes almost all of her time. He fills her days with heavy lifting of a growing body that can’t move itself and is still in diapers. She spends time on hold waiting to talk to practitioners and time at doctor’s appointments. Her time is consumed with his care.
She reflected that when he’s gone, she will want to go backward in time to the days when he was alive. And after he’s gone she will get her time back and be able to engage with guilty pleasures like going on a meditation retreat or taking long hikes.
Self-care
As a raregiver, you give so much and as a counterbalance it is important to cultivate your own life. You need to focus on things that are yours so that when your Rare child dies, you will not be lost and adrift at sea. When you have practices and activities that are yours, you can lean into them and be strong as you whether the loss. develop meditative and prayerful practices, grow your faith, engage with people and things that fill you up and inspire you.
Too much
Contemplating the loss of your child can feel like too much to bear. Perhaps it may be useful to embrace that death is part of life and as such we are all bereaved. We all lose people we love and somehow we get through it. We are ordinary people just like you.
Will life be easier?
Another raregiver reflected that she imagined her life would be easier in a certain way after her child is gone. There are things that you may need to deal with like having an adult who is in diapers. There are so many practical issues that go along with having a rare child.
Guilt
You might also feel the guilt that comes with the idea that life without your Rare child will be easier. It’s important to let your heart hold the complexity of your child’s death. There will be heaviness. You may be consumed with a feeling of overwhelming loss. If these feelings arise, take time to recognize that your Rare child is here now and feel the abundance of love you have for each other. Embrace the moment you share.
A song for you (Click the link below and enjoy)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AcfHylyqQmI
Coming up this week: Welcome and Introductions to the start of a new series
We are excited to begin this first session in this series which will take us to the of the year. We welcome new and old members to our group. We will take some time to introduce ourselves, share our intentions for the group and take a look at the Raregiver's Emotional Journey Map. Please join us.
You Belong Here
This group is open to all raregivers regardless of gender or relationship status. Join our amazing community of raregivers who get you. Come be seen, heard and understood. Let the community hold you. We meet on Tuesdays at 10am PT. Come for all or a portion of the session.
Your presence is a contribution.
Zoom Link: Click Here
We look forward to being with you soon.
Warmly,
Padma
