Strong & Vulnerable
We asked some important questions in our Rare Family Dynamics session this week. Where do you source your strength? Do you allow yourself to be vulnerable? What makes you feel vulnerable? Vulnerability takes many shapes and forms.
You might feel vulnerable at moments like this:
When the pharmacy is out of your rare child's medication
When the authorization for the medication has not gone through
When you're not sure that your young adult rare child is actually taking their medication
When someone doesn't follow through and you're counting on them
Vulnerabilities
As a Raregiver™, you may feel vulnerable to other people's mistakes and judgments. It can be hard and you persevere. Tenacity is a quality that you develop quickly because you can't give up. This may make you look like you are a superhuman. You are and you’re not.
Showing your vulnerability
The reality is it's important to see that as a Raregiver™, you are also vulnerable. Are you willing to allow the people in your life to see you need assistance? This means you let others see you. When you are raw and real people pay attention. It just hits differently.
Communicate your deeper needs especially when they are different from your regular needs.
What pushes you over the edge?
For example, this might happen when you go from making 52 phone calls a month to the insurance company to 87 calls! You look like you've been doing more or less "fine" and the truth is you are barely holding on.
Shielding others
When you shield others from your inner experience, you are lying to yourself. You're putting up a good front and saying "This is fine. There's no problem here.” By doing this, you're letting things get stacked up.
Give yourself space to feel.
Move your attention
Being present is a very useful skill, and there is also the skill of moving between being present, planning for the future, and feeling the pain of the past.
Pausing
Pausing is an amazing skill. It's useful to know when it's time to pause or time to engage. You can model the act of pausing for your family when the conflict is escalating. Say to them "I'm going to pause now.” Most of the time unless it is an actual emergency, there is time to pause.
Interpersonal vulnerability
Communicating in a vulnerable manner is a learned skill. You might be thinking that no one understands you or maybe everyone's going to freak out if you say what's really happening for you. The risk of being misunderstood renders you vulnerable.
No one will completely comprehend your unique experience and you can try your best to communicate it. Except that no one will 100% understand you and it's useful to try.
Be curious
Curiosity helps us understand each other. Bring your curiosity to each relationship. You can ask, what are you feeling? Or, tell me more about that, please.
Bring the warm light of curiosity to yourself. You can ask, "What am I really feeling? Take your time and feel what's there. There are layers of emotions.
Stop shouldding
Refrain from judging, or "shouldding yourself." A phrase I love is, "My feelings make sense." Your feelings make sense because you are having them. And if you make room for your own feelings and validate them, you will expand your ability to accept and receive other people’s feelings without needing to fix or change them.
Coming up this week: Creating Safety and Self-trust
Becoming a member of a Rare Family begins with receiving a diagnosis and has many stages along the way. You will be asked to step up to the plate in new ways. As you expand, it’s important to feel safe inside yourself. In this meeting, we will explore ways of grounding and being present in yourself so you can expand your capacity to be with it all. Please join us for a potent conversation.
You Belong Here
As a Raregiver™, you belong here. We gather from across the world to support each other. Your presence is a contribution.
Zoom Link: Click Here
We look forward to being with you,
Padma
