Steady & Connected
In our Rare Family Dynamics group this week we explored what it feels like to be grounded and consciously connected to yourself. If you are someone who falls into being a people pleaser you definitely will find this useful. Please read on.
Stop and connect
In order to have clear communications with people where both parties feel seen and heard, the first step is to be consciously connected to yourself. Doing this can be particularly helpful when you are at a doctor's appointment. Have you ever had the experience of feeling overwhelmed or perhaps a bit rushed by a doctor? When they ask you a question or tell you something, do you expect yourself to understand it straight away? If so, you are not alone. This seems to be a very common experience among Raregivers™.
Ask for a pause
The truth is that it is okay to ask a doctor to pause. Let them know that you need a moment to consider your answer or digest what they shared. It's not easy to do this especially if you are a people pleaser. Do you actually want to give the doctor their answer right away or do you need time? Pleasing others can at times be synonymous with self-abandonment.
Take your time
Another example is if you are in an IEP meeting. They ask you to sign off at the end of the meeting and you think you're supposed to. However, you don't officially need to sign it at the close of the meeting. It is OK to let them know that you want to take it home and look it over before you sign it. You know if you need time to look it over when you are connected to yourself.
Prepare
Are you connected or disconnected?
Before you go to an important meeting with a doctor, take time to slow down and connect to yourself. When you're connected and focused, you feel calm and empowered. In this way, you are open to Universal intelligence.
If you are disconnected from yourself, you may feel unfocused and scattered. In this condition, you may be grasping for straws or trying to figure things out. This is the hard way.
Speak up
Self-care means including your needs and needs which may include setting boundaries. As a Rare child gets older, you may shift what you share about them and with whom you share it.
It can be hard to speak up and you are worth it.
If an extended family member or a friend asks you about your Rare child and what's going on with them, it's OK for you to say something like "it's not really my place to say. Please talk to my daughter about it.” People will have their feelings and it’s not your job to manage them.
Tell the truth
Telling the truth might be scary because you're afraid of upsetting people. When you find yourself walking on eggshells with your back muscles in spasm, you know that there is something that needs to be said.
3 Tips for Attending Medical Appointments
Before attending an important appointment, do your own internal preparation. This may include taking some deep breaths or some meditation. Do what you need to do to know that you are in charge. Calm yourself down so that you are in control of your emotions.
Do the practical things. Organize the list of medications you want to talk about and make a list of any questions you may have.
Let the doctor know that this meeting is important to you. As your rare child gets older, you need to prepare your kid for how to communicate with medical professionals and things get more complicated. Be patient and kind with yourself and with your child or children.
Coming up this week: Asking for what you need
When your rare child is in need of full-time care, your life changes drastically. You may need to stop working or increase your work hours due to greater financial demands. You will need to learn how to ask for help and oftentimes, it’s not easy. You do not need to do it all. In this session, you will learn tools for speaking up, receiving what is being offered, habits that create stability, and support self-care. Come and tend to yourself. You’re worth it.
Join Us
You belong here. Come as you are. Your presence is a contribution.
Zoom Link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/88974713173
We look forward to being with you,
Padma
