Self-Care Is Not Selfish

As a Growth and Trauma expert, I see so many mothers, and I can tell you that the effects of self-care - or lack thereof - come up in almost every session. So few of us are proactively prioritizing ourselves to the extent that we have forgotten who we were before kids, how we even prioritized ourselves and what it felt like to invest in us. And when we do manage to take time for ourselves, the mom guilt sets in soon after.

What many of us struggle with the most is how to create new systems or mindsets that create real, sustainable change, so that they don’t slip right back into self-neglect.

Genuine wellness is all about prioritizing and finding room for you, so that you can actually enjoy the life you work so hard for, even with all the challenges that parenting brings.

Here are the realistic strategies and self-care tips I recommend to mothers for creating a higher quality of life, even when work and family demands feel all-consuming, and when mom guilt reigns supreme.

Be kind with yourself - Many moms say they resist finding time for themselves because they automatically feel guilty for not being with their family.

I suggest to practice working through that guilt by not being surprised when it shows up. In some ways, making peace or accepting those feelings will reduce their power, it especially happens when you are kind to yourself.

One way to practice this is to pretend you’re greeting ‘Guilt’ like you would an unfriendly solicitor at the door – tell it you’re not interested. Over time, you will disempower and hopefully reduce the guilt as you begin to see the benefits of the time and energy you put into yourself.

Be witness to what lifts you up - There’s no simpler way to figure out how to have a good week than to figure out what it takes for you to have a good week.

Whenever you choose to do this, help yourself by figuring out what makes your day lighter. Even when you have things that are tough, perhaps a laugh is what lifts you up. Look for trends in the areas that are most crucial to your personal wellness. It doesn’t mean we are always going to get what we need, but we will become more aware of what we might be able to ask for help in getting.

Visualize moments of self-care - Don’t underestimate the power of a little moment with yourself. When you’re having a hard week or day, try to visualize a realistic, tangible way you can treat yourself in the next day or so. Maybe you’re having a stressful morning; try to close your eyes and visualize the moment you put your kids to bed. How will you take care of yourself? Going to bed early? Taking a long bath? Having a glass of wine? Breaking out a puzzle? Painting? Meditating? Whatever it is, make sure to follow through.

Remember, how we spend our time is how we spend our life. Every small improvement in our week results in a larger quality-of-life improvement that you 100% deserve. Don’t be afraid to prioritize your happiness. Everyone will reap the benefits of a healthier, happier you.

Here’s to small steps!

Yours always,

Pamela