Ruptures? Repair Them Swiftly
Being in a relationship means that sometimes you will have arguments which create ruptures. When this happens, it is important to make up or repair as soon as possible. This was our jumping off topic for our discussion in the Rare Mothers in Relationship Workshop this past week.
Making Repairs
Some key things to do in order to make swift repairs include: feeling your feelings, taking time to breathe, soften and accept what is. Slow down, move with intention and express what you need to express rather than shutting down.
Take time to notice the good that your partner brings into your life because doing this will open your heart and invite clear communication. Take responsibility for your actions, set healthy boundaries and come up with course corrections which creates connection.
Study Your Partner
It takes practice to relate in this way. You need to study your partner and apply what is sometimes called the Platinum Rule which means “Do unto others as they want to be done unto them.“ You make room, accommodate and accept them for who they are rather than who you want them to be.
For example, this might apply to when you are visiting your in-laws and you are a guest in their home. It means that rather than disagreeing with them, you abide by their rules.
One of our Rare mothers mentioned a mantra she is using to support peace in her relationships. On the inhale she internally says, “let love” and on the exhale, “let be.” You might come up with your own mantra to keep you grounded and connected to yourself.
Getting Drawn In
Ruptures can happen when you get drawn into a conflict. Notice how you get drawn in and pause. The pause is a space where you can make a decision to respond rather than react.
For instance, if a relative is overly positive and projecting that your Rare child is hitting milestones like crawling when you know that this is untrue, you might feel frustrated and become a champion of “reality'' rather than accepting their positive vision. You might think about whether it’s worth it to be in an ongoing tug-of-war; perhaps you might try on another person's perspective.
Live In The Present
As a Rare mother you may find yourself at times fixating on all of the things your Rare child won’t be able to do which is painful. What if you were to live in the present and take life in smaller chunks of time. Let yourself envision the positive, the best case scenario because in reality no one knows what will happen. Let the hypotheticals bring you flexible hope. This means that you intend what is possible without being attached.
At any moment you can choose to focus on what is not happening or you can open yourself to possibility. Every moment is an opportunity for connection with yourself and others. It’s an invitation to peace and to the acceptance of what is.
Coming up this week: Humor is Key!
Let’s explore the value humor can bring to any relationship. Laughter can lighten a tense moment and revitalize you when you are feeling down. Bringing a sense of humor and willingness to laugh at yourself and life’s challenges, rather than taking things too seriously has many benefits. Laughter is medicine.
Join us
Our next meeting is Tuesday at 10 AM PST. We would love to have you there. Being together in this way is an opportunity for you to share your heart and have authentic connections with other Rare mothers who know what your life is like and understand you.
Come as you are. Your presence is a contribution.
Zoom Link:
I look forward to being with you soon.
With Blessings,
Padma
