Happiness vs Joy
In speaking with the Rare Mom’s today in our Thursday group, there were beautiful thoughts around when we feel the most joy. Being in the sunshine, hearing our child’s belly laugh, being out in nature… all of these are fantastic joyful moments! Then it was brought up that there is a difference between Joy and Happiness, and, what is that difference?
Well, after looking further into it, it seems that happiness is external. It's based on situations, events, people, places, things, and thoughts. Happiness is connected to your hope. It is future-oriented and it puts all its eggs in someone else's basket. It is dependent on outside situations, people, or events to align with your expectations so that the end result is your happiness. This is called pathology… and, unfortunately, pathology rarely obliges in that way.
So when things fall through, your happiness is crushed and unhappiness is the result. Remember the emotional roller coaster you have ridden? You were happy when things were good, and miserable when things were bad? Yes, happiness is what you feel when the "right" stuff happens, and that is nice… But happiness is not joy.
That is because joy is not external… it can't be bought and it is not conditional on someone else's behavior. In fact, joy is not contingent on anything in order to exist. You can still have joy even when things in your life look less than ideal… You're probably thinking, joy almost seems like a mystery, doesn’t it?
That may be because it is a quality that is internal… and a choice. The weight of things in our lives we pick up, hold on to and stuff in our backpack determined to carry it with us, like a badge of honor. But another aspect that was discussed was how when we slow down, we begin to notice the subtleties of life. When stuff, people, and the problems they bring fall away there is a stillness. It is in that stillness that we find the joy that resides inside of us, dependent on nothing external in order to exist. And through these moments, we begin to set down that weighted bag. It’s these moments that lead us to find the things that bring us joy, especially through connection.
Connection through nature, connection through people, connection through shared emotions; like grief, pain, understanding... and this can turn into joy. Joy can come when you make peace with who you are, where you are, and why you are. When you need nothing more than your truth and the ability to touch into self-love, then you have settled into the abiding joy that is not rocked by the unpredictable or, really, anything.
Joy looks different for every person. So it’s really about exploring how YOU get to the choice of joy. It’s good to know the difference of happiness and joy. And I thank the mama who brought that question in! I am grateful for the learning.
Continuing on the journey,
Pamela
