Friendship
This week in our Rare Family Dynamics Group we discussed friendship. Friendships can become complicated once you receive a diagnosis. Some friends will stay the course and others will leave. This is a matter of capacity. We talked about the qualities of a good friend and the elements of a nourishing friendship.
We all have had different experiences with friendships. Sometimes close friendships fizzle out after your Rare child is born. This can be quite painful. People who have been lifelong friends might brush off any attempt to understand what your life as a Rare caregiver is like. They may not understand, are unwilling to feel their own discomfort or it is simply beyond their capacity.
Excuses
One of our participants said that her friends made excuses after her Rare child was born and they did not come around at all. She felt isolated and alone. Sometimes you don’t have a village to support you and your Rare family. Perhaps your childhood place of worship doesn’t even reach out to you. All you can do is allow yourself to feel the heartbreak of not being embraced by your community.
New friends
Many of our group participants said that the friends that came after the birth of their Rare child are now their best friends. These are other Rare parents. They understand because they know what it’s like to walk in your shoes. This is our community. These are the people who naturally understand you.
Old friends
Although an old friend may not fully understand your situation, she may have compassion and listen to you. Perhaps this friend doesn’t relate and yet you can share a glass of wine and cry together. There are ways to bridge the gap. Empathy and compassion can be the bridge.
Enduring Friendships
Friendships endure when you continue to show up. As a Rare caregiver who accepts what is happening and shows up saying, “this is us now,” you may find that you are received by others who gracefully accept your family as you are now. These friends have adapted.
Seasons
It is natural to evolve beyond certain friendships. Friendships have seasons and sometimes we grow apart. Just like leaves falling off a tree, sometimes friendships gracefully fall away.
Reach out
The possibility is for you to have different levels of friendships. If you want to deepen a friendship, reach out and don’t take it personally when the person on the other end is not up for hopping on a zoom call or chatting on the phone.
Be the friend you want to have. Take a risk and be vulnerable first. Invite someone to go to the next level of friendship with you. Intimate friendships are nourishment for the soul.
Coming up this week: The Value of Team Play in Your Rare Family
Being in a Rare family means you are on a team. You are in it together and share a common vision and goals. This includes relationships with your partner, children, healthcare professionals, friends, co-workers, etc. Let's explore the elements of a great team. How can you be the best team player possible? What does it take to lead your team? In order to support your Rare family, you need a strong team.
You Belong Here
This group is open to all Rare caregivers regardless of gender or relationship status. Join our amazing community of Rare caregivers who get you. Come be seen, heard and deeply understood. Let the community hold you. You belong here. We meet on Tuesdays at 10am PT. Come for all or a portion of the session.
Come as you are (pajamas and unbrushed hair are our style).
Your presence is a contribution.
Zoom Link: CLICK HERE
We look forward to being with you soon.
Warmly,
Padma
Meeting Quote: Sarah Martin (Rare Mother - A leukodystrophy -Vanishing White Matter)
“It’s nice to have focused groups that are particular disorder, but this group helps a lot with momma's hearts. Its’ nice to just show up and connect regardless of it is a good or bad day. Just knowing you are with other people who get it is helpful and encouraging.”
