Define Self Care For Yourself
Okay, here’s the picture… you feel burned out. The house is a mess. You just came home from an exhausting appointment, you’ve got the rest of the family set up for the next half hour, and you know you need to take a shower. But do you do that? Or instead, do you decide to clean the kitchen, so that the piled-up dishes stop frowning at you from the sink? Will you feel better starting the afternoon with a clean kitchen? Is that what brings you a peaceful state of mind? If it is, that is okay. You’re actually doing self-care.
So many of those beautifully written and curated posts about self-care are meant to encourage us to set aside other’s needs and tend to our own. Sometimes these posts do ‘their job’ and we make a plan to “do something” to recharge.
But how do you really recharge?
Is it by doing things for others and feeling satisfied in having met their needs as only you can? Or in that moment, do you ask for help or take a break and put your feet up or even take some time to feel your emotions?
The way we are conditioned to think about self-care affects what we do and how we feel about it. For me, it’s not a choice between sacrificing enough to validate myself as a ‘good enough’ caregiver, or believing that self-care is integral to my wellbeing. It is a matter of knowing I deserve it - in my way - and that should be okay.
Our culture values and glorifies self-sacrifice. This belief that self-sacrifice is best creates a great deal of shame when we feel like we need something different. And too often there are barriers that prevent us from practicing self-care. Whether that be limited resources of money, social support, or difficulty accepting help and setting boundaries. Regardless, YOU are still part of the equation.
But worrying that needing self-care makes you selfish or weak should not be the barrier that prevents you from obtaining it. Self-care absolutely is not the same as selfishness. Selfishness is lacking any consideration about others and profiting by this. Self-care is about making sure that we are well and healthy so that we are more available to help others.
Self-care can be as simple as a shift in perspective.
Self-care can mean many different things, but knowing what self-care is ‘not’ might be even more important. Self-care is not something you force yourself to do or something you don’t enjoy doing, either. Caring for yourself is doing something that refuels us, rather than takes from us. That means whatever works for you, works for you. Even if that means letting others do something for you.
Because self-care actually might not be what you add, but what you take away. You can give yourself permission ‘not’ to do something, or eliminate tasks that are draining. One tiny bit of self-care can make all the difference. Start small.
The bottom line is that self-care is as unique as you. However you identify it, the key is that it refuels you in ‘your’ way, however that looks.
