Contradictory Emotions
Think about the happiest moments in your life, whether with family, on your own, or enjoying a huge success at work or something else... In all honesty, are you happy? For sure. However, can you state with certainty that no other emotions were in your consciousness? Welcome to the world of mixed emotions.
Although they’re confusing, they’re also normal. Ambivalence and contradiction are an essential part of the human experience. We’ve all been there. You don’t have to be going through a particularly tumultuous time in your life for this to happen, either. Having a love-hate relationship with someone or something is so common that the phrase “love-hate relationship” is widely used and understood. Everyone has mixed feelings, as they’re a natural part of our psyche. On the surface, they’re contradictory feelings towards an object or situation. This paradox of emotional coexistence can be pretty uncomfortable and cause many inner conflicts.
Although love and hate are the most obvious mixed emotions, they aren’t the only ones. Attraction, repulsion, affection, grief, judgment, joy, respect, disgust, anger, guilt and indifference are all common as well. As you know, the range of human emotions is extensive and each emotion has its own individual nuances. Accepting and managing situations that produce mixed feelings is never easy, especially if one of those emotions is undesirable. The simple act of facing contradictory emotions can cause frustration, anger, sadness, uncertainty, and indecision. It might make you feel like you’re stuck, with no idea about how to move forward.
So here are some ideas of things to do:
- The very first step is accepting the way you feel and recognizing that there’s nothing wrong with your emotions. In fact, they make you human. Don’t judge yourself. There’s nothing wrong with feeling this way. Everyone experiences this, feels afraid, and makes mistakes.
- Try pausing for a moment and analyzing your emotions. Give yourself time to think and flow and don’t pressure yourself to make quick decisions. Try to calm down first.
- If you want to manage your emotions, observe them, get to know them, and understand them. Try to analyze yourself from a neutral standpoint. What advice would you give to someone else in your situation?
- If you try all these things but still feel overwhelmed with doubt about what to do or what to feel, you might need some outside help. Therapy is a great option to help you work through your feelings.
It is shown that mixed and contradictory emotions aren’t necessarily a sign of indecision. Instead, they’re related to the emotional complexity of each person. In other words, humans have a rich emotional life that makes it possible to feel these seemingly contradictory emotions.
Researchers have found that, in Western culture, we believe that some emotions are negative or undesirable. We relate them directly to indecision. On the other hand, it’s been found that people with mixed feelings are actually better at differentiating between their emotional states and tend to be better at finding balance in their lives.
As with most things human, there’s no magic formula to work with them. Yet, simply being aware of our own human complexity and knowing that everyone has doubts can put your mind at ease. We get to learn to live with those complex emotions, instead of labeling them good and/or bad. And remember, we don’t have to do this alone… asking for help (from a trusted friend, partner or therapist) can be key to mirroring your emotional state back to you. Every emotion exists for a reason, so we can try to learn from them. Instead of fighting them, we allow ourselves to feel, no matter how confusing our emotions might be.
Cheers from the multiverse,
Pamela
