Commitment Hold Us
This week in our Rare Mothers in Relationships Workshop we had a powerful discussion about commitment. We reflected on how important it is to be committed first to yourself and then to your partner. Our primary relationship after all is with ourselves.
Commitments hold you. When you honor the commitments you make to your self-care you are able to relate from a place of personal integrity.
Honor your agreements
We often begin practices and set wonderful intentions and then, life happens. Your Rare child has to go to the ER or the treatment you thought was working is not. In these moments it is hardest to tend to yourself and it is essential. Tending to the relationship you have with yourself can mean anything from meditation, prayer, exercise or taking a few minutes to savor your favorite hot beverage in the morning. The micro moments add up.
You might also make commitments to support you in setting boundaries. Clear boundaries are a form of self-care because they help ground you in your inner knowing. For instance, you might need to set a boundary with your partner around the tone you use when you talk to each other.
Relationship commitments
The commitments we have in our relationships with our partners or our caregiving partners also hold us and create safety. You might have commitments around what it means to respect each other or around when you each are or aren’t available to have a deep conversation. Maybe you explore what it means to have respectful communication or how best to truly reach each other. What if you took the time in your relationship to set up these small commitments? Think of the difference it would make.
Assess Your Needs
One Rare mother in our workshop shared about how her husband prefers silence in the morning while she wakes up ready to chat. They have different needs. It’s important to honor your differences and find ways to get your needs met outside of your relationship. She realized that in order to get the amount of connection and conversation that nourishes her, she attends six or seven Zoom meetings per week. She recognized that she simply was not going to have a harmonious relationship with her husband if she tried to get all of her connection needs met by him. If we try to get everything from our partner, we end up suffering because it puts too much pressure on them.
Knowing yourself, honoring yourself and recognizing how to strike a balance in your relationship takes consistent practice and mindful awareness. We need to practice our communication skills and set up clear agreements during peaceful moments so when triggers arise, we can lean into the commitment. This is how commitments hold us.
Coming Up This Week: Team Play
Being in a relationship means you are on a team and Rare mothers need teams. Teams are in it together and they share common goals. This can include relationships with your partner, healthcare professionals, friends and co-workers.Together we will explore what makes a great team.
Join us
Our next meeting is Tuesday at 10 AM PST. We would love to have you there. Being together in this way is an opportunity for you to share your heart and have authentic connections with other Rare mothers.
Come as you are. Your presence is a contribution.
Zoom Link:
Have a good weekend and we look forward to being with you soon.
Warmly,
Padma
